Oksana Leads Slimeball of the Year Race

We may have a photo-finish for Slimeball of the Year 2010, and what an amazing group of professional and amateur slimeballs have made it to the finals led by:

1) Oksana Grigorieva, 39, who has bedded, babied, and bushwhacked AlcoMel Gibson, all part of a strategical Soviet plan to send melmillions her way.

2) Aimee Sword, 36, Michigan mother of five-plus, who gave up her son at birth, tracked him down on Facebook when he was 14, and then repeatedly had sex with him.

3)Al Gore, seriously, is alleged to have "tried to stick his tongue down my throat" at a New Year's party, according to a female journalist. French kissing is not in itself slimeball. When attached to "Fat Algore, it is way slimy. Ew.

4) Tiger Woods, who cheated on his gorgeous wife and children with bimbos who all looked like this.

5)Jesse James, who would be even slimier than Tiger but, really, what do you expect from a man whose genes flow from this man.

6-10)Miley Cyrus dominates with five places in Slimeball of the Year's top 10, thanks to her strategic and relentless slimyness, including her lovely upskirt photo from the slimy Perez Hilton.

The "winner" of the 2010 Slimeball of the Year will be announced after your comments are tallied... Previous votes cast for Tiger and Jesse cannot be counted.


Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!

Wrinkles Offer No Protection Against Crime or STDs. Ewwww.

We are pleased to report that the world's oldest woman (no, not Joan Rivers) has just turned 130 in the Soviet Republic of Georgia.

But we feel obligated to warn Antisa Khvichava that her health and longevity could be at risk because many of her fellow senior citizens are simply behaving badly.

Take John "Sonny" Franzese for example.

Sonny, 93, was convicted last week in New York of racketeering and conspiracy. Never mind that he was nicknamed "Nod Father" by the Daily News because he kept falling asleep during his trial. The court heard that he shook down strip clubs and pizzerias, was once a friend of Frank "Currently Dead But Still the Greatest" Sinatra and had a stake in the classic porn film "Death Throat".

We don't know whether Sonny also likes to shake down the ladies. But cases of STDs are exploding amongst the senior set, thanks to the tidal wave of Viagra drugs and an epidemic of unprotected, and very wrinkled, senior sex.

Ewwww.

A disturbing Reuters news report - which actually uses "annals", "swelling" and "up" in a story about senior citizens and STDs - warns that the number of new cases of STDs per 10,000 men over age 40 was up almost 50% since 1996.

Dr. Anupam B. Jena of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, who led this study, says that older men on erectile dysfunction drugs are twice as likely to contract an STD as older men who didn't take them (the "limp noodle" control group).

We can have great confidence in Dr Jena's expertise in this area because the letters in her name can be re-arranged to spell "Aha Jab Men Up" and "Pajama Bun Eh".

Clearly, the number of sexy seniors likely to rise (HAR) to 130 years old will drop off (HAR) if this wanton sexual behavior continues.

Are you listening Larry King? Ewwww.

Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!