1) a mosque
2) the deficit
3) Michelle's shoes
4) Treasury notes
5) one Obamacare Bill
6) Lady Gaga's girly bits
7) WikiLeaks emails
8) missing BP oil
9) "Hillary in 2012" signs
10) dry rot
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
Showing posts with label lady gaga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lady gaga. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Warning: What's Under the White House Tarp?
A tarp is covering the West Wing of the White House, prompting widespread speculation that it is hiding:
1) a mosque
2) the deficit
3) Michelle's shoes
4) Treasury notes
5) one Obamacare Bill
6) Lady Gaga's girly bits
7) WikiLeaks emails
8) missing BP oil
9) "Hillary in 2012" signs
10) dry rot
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
1) a mosque
2) the deficit
3) Michelle's shoes
4) Treasury notes
5) one Obamacare Bill
6) Lady Gaga's girly bits
7) WikiLeaks emails
8) missing BP oil
9) "Hillary in 2012" signs
10) dry rot
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Shocking Gallup Poll Leads Rupert Murdock to Lady Gaga's Thighs
A shocking Gallup poll shows that only 25% of Americans have a "great deal" or "quite a lot" of confidence in newspaper or television news, a 50% drop since 1995.
Young Americans are now getting most of their "trusted" news from Facebook and celebrity tattoos.
Young people - defined as the "21's", eg younger than 21, having at least 21 sexual partners and STDs, or owning at least 21 cell phones - have the lowest trust and attention span.
Newspaper readership among the 21's has reached rock bottom. In fact, only 3% of 21's have "read or come in contact with" a printed newspaper in the previous 12 months.
"I picked up a free newspaper once to wipe a Coke Zero spill off my iPad, and I got ink on my fingers. Ink! It was like, ewww, my iPad!" said one of those surveyed.
Rupert Murdoch, the 900-year-old owner of most of the world's bankrupt newspapers, dismissed the Gallup research as "bobby socks and poppycock".
"Our research shows that most young people, 900 percent I think, trust me and my newspapers, and they absolutely plan to *buy my newspapers."
* at least once before they die, possibly wrapping takeaway fish and chips
To increase trust and readership in the 21's demographic, Murdoch is negotiating with Lady Gaga over rights to her thighs.
"The negotiations include all areas in close proximity to her girly bits, which are exposed to billions of young people every day through actual physical contact and, to a lesser extent, the global media.
"There are some formatting issues, and we'll have to limit stories to 3-5 words, but we're confident the 'Gaga medium' will tap into the lucrative 21's demographic," said a Murdoch spokesman, adding that the 21's account for 99% of Apple sales, despite none of them having an actual job.
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
Young Americans are now getting most of their "trusted" news from Facebook and celebrity tattoos.
Young people - defined as the "21's", eg younger than 21, having at least 21 sexual partners and STDs, or owning at least 21 cell phones - have the lowest trust and attention span.
Newspaper readership among the 21's has reached rock bottom. In fact, only 3% of 21's have "read or come in contact with" a printed newspaper in the previous 12 months.
"I picked up a free newspaper once to wipe a Coke Zero spill off my iPad, and I got ink on my fingers. Ink! It was like, ewww, my iPad!" said one of those surveyed.
Rupert Murdoch, the 900-year-old owner of most of the world's bankrupt newspapers, dismissed the Gallup research as "bobby socks and poppycock".
"Our research shows that most young people, 900 percent I think, trust me and my newspapers, and they absolutely plan to *buy my newspapers."
* at least once before they die, possibly wrapping takeaway fish and chips
To increase trust and readership in the 21's demographic, Murdoch is negotiating with Lady Gaga over rights to her thighs.
"The negotiations include all areas in close proximity to her girly bits, which are exposed to billions of young people every day through actual physical contact and, to a lesser extent, the global media.
"There are some formatting issues, and we'll have to limit stories to 3-5 words, but we're confident the 'Gaga medium' will tap into the lucrative 21's demographic," said a Murdoch spokesman, adding that the 21's account for 99% of Apple sales, despite none of them having an actual job.
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Lady Gaga 7-day Scandal Forecast - Doing Everything Slutty Everywhere
Hyperbolic megastar Lady Gaga had a lazy weekend, leading at Lollapalooza, pipping Usain Bolt at the tape in Stockholm, holing out ahead of Tiger at Bridgestone, saving mankind by repelling the solar tsunami and hatching baby owlettes live at the Owl Box.
"I so wanted to sunbathe with Michelle Obama in Spain and expose my vagina on WikiLeaks, but I just couldn't tear myself away from the baby owls. I was in an egg myself once, and I still love to cover my Lady Bits with feathers."
Gaga's 7-day media forecast includes:
- birthing Motorola's new Droid 2 cellphone live on CNN and GagaNet (Parental discretion advised).
- leading a "save the penguins" global enviro-event live on the massive ice chunk that has broken away from Greenland, at Gaga's request.
- headlining the live re-enactment of Chelsea and Marc Clinton's wedding.
- visiting Hannah Montana tryouts in 50 states to coach 5- to 7-year old girls on make-up, underwear and being true to their own tri-sexuality.
- being appointed the new CEO of HP, and immediately announcing a new corporate policy on silicone top-ups and sexual harassment of men, women and owls.
- shockingly quitting HP to accept the role as White House Chief Adviser on Economics ("I believe that being true to yourself will turn our nation's economy around - that and miles of latex and my uber virginity").
- chairing the Iranian Revolutionary Council and launching her new line of see-through nuclear gaga-burqas.
- saving thousands of fans trapped by floods in Pakistan, and releasing her new "Pash me in Paki" CD.
- hosting the Academy Awards, Emmies, Razzies, Lezzies, Super Bowl, World Series and Nobel Peace Prize events.
- single handedly preventing the Earth from falling off its axis and ending life as we know it.
- bringing Michael Jackson back from the dead.
"I hope my fans can forgive me for taking it easy this week. Birthing the owls was so emotional that I need to recharge, which is why the sun is having another solar tsu-gaga-nami in my vagina."
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
"I so wanted to sunbathe with Michelle Obama in Spain and expose my vagina on WikiLeaks, but I just couldn't tear myself away from the baby owls. I was in an egg myself once, and I still love to cover my Lady Bits with feathers."
Gaga's 7-day media forecast includes:
- birthing Motorola's new Droid 2 cellphone live on CNN and GagaNet (Parental discretion advised).
- leading a "save the penguins" global enviro-event live on the massive ice chunk that has broken away from Greenland, at Gaga's request.
- headlining the live re-enactment of Chelsea and Marc Clinton's wedding.
- visiting Hannah Montana tryouts in 50 states to coach 5- to 7-year old girls on make-up, underwear and being true to their own tri-sexuality.
- being appointed the new CEO of HP, and immediately announcing a new corporate policy on silicone top-ups and sexual harassment of men, women and owls.
- shockingly quitting HP to accept the role as White House Chief Adviser on Economics ("I believe that being true to yourself will turn our nation's economy around - that and miles of latex and my uber virginity").
- chairing the Iranian Revolutionary Council and launching her new line of see-through nuclear gaga-burqas.
- saving thousands of fans trapped by floods in Pakistan, and releasing her new "Pash me in Paki" CD.
- hosting the Academy Awards, Emmies, Razzies, Lezzies, Super Bowl, World Series and Nobel Peace Prize events.
- single handedly preventing the Earth from falling off its axis and ending life as we know it.
- bringing Michael Jackson back from the dead.
"I hope my fans can forgive me for taking it easy this week. Birthing the owls was so emotional that I need to recharge, which is why the sun is having another solar tsu-gaga-nami in my vagina."
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)