Nancy Pelosi: How bad?
PR: Well, with an aggressive PR campaign, we might get you above BP and Kim Jong-il, but you'd still trail Hitler and George Bush.
Pelosi: Behind Dubya??? What can we do?
PR: How do you feel about kissing? In public?
Pelosi: You want me to lay one on my husband? Like Al Gore did on Tipper? That wasn't what I'd call a freeking success.
PR: We weren't thinking about your husband.
Pelosi: Who then? Surely you don't want me to kiss the President?
PR: Oh no, no, no.
Pelosi: Good, because that would really be pandering.
PR: We were thinking Michelle.
Pelosi: The First Lady! Are you crazy?
PR: Think Miley Cyrus. Sandra Bullock. Scarlett Johansson. Britney Spears.
Pelosi: What have those sluts got to do with me and the First Lady?
PR: They did 'girl kisses' and the scandals got enormous media coverage. We think you'd get a huge ratings bump in Blue States. And think about the Red States. The Teabaggers would go crazy.
Pelosi: They'd spew, wouldn't they? OK, it's worth discussing. But why snog the First Lady? Why not some other powerful woman.
PR: Like who?
Pelosi: Elena Kagan? After she gets confirmed.
PR: Too old.
Pelosi: The German Chancellor. What's her name?
PR: Angela Merkel. Too ugly.
Pelosi: (cringing) . Thank heavens. What about Cher or Hillary or, hey, what about Sarah Palin? I could slip her a little tongue after one of her soccer Mom speeches. The Red States would secede!
PR: All good ideas, Madam Speaker. But our polling is clear. You have to girl kiss the First Lady to improve your popularity, and way before the mid-term elections.
Pelosi: She and the President are OK with this?
PR: They are Democrats. They'll do whatever helps the party. And keeps Hillary on a leash.
Pelosi: Of course. So, where do we kiss?
PR: On the lips. This is for prime time news.
Pelosi: No, what's the VENUE?
PR: Oprah.
Pelosi: I've read Kitty Kelley's book. What if Oprah gets all excited?
PR: No, that would be too much ... even for the Blue States.
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