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Monday, June 14, 2010

Nancy Pelosi Lesbian Kiss On Oprah

PR Strategist: Madam Speaker, we need to look at your popularity ratings. They've never been good, but they are officially in the toilet.

Nancy Pelosi
: How bad?

PR: Well, with an aggressive PR campaign, we might get you above BP and Kim Jong-il, but you'd still trail Hitler and George Bush.

Pelosi: Behind Dubya??? What can we do?

PR: How do you feel about kissing? In public?

Pelosi: You want me to lay one on my husband? Like Al Gore did on Tipper? That wasn't what I'd call a freeking success.

PR: We weren't thinking about your husband.

Pelosi: Who then? Surely you don't want me to kiss the President?

PR: Oh no, no, no.

Pelosi: Good, because that would really be pandering.

PR: We were thinking Michelle.

Pelosi: The First Lady! Are you crazy?

PR: Think Miley Cyrus. Sandra Bullock. Scarlett Johansson. Britney Spears.

Pelosi: What have those sluts got to do with me and the First Lady?

PR: They did 'girl kisses' and the scandals got enormous media coverage. We think you'd get a huge ratings bump in Blue States. And think about the Red States. The Teabaggers would go crazy.

Pelosi: They'd spew, wouldn't they? OK, it's worth discussing. But why snog the First Lady? Why not some other powerful woman.

PR: Like who?

Pelosi: Elena Kagan? After she gets confirmed.

PR: Too old.

Pelosi: The German Chancellor. What's her name?

PR: Angela Merkel. Too ugly.

Pelosi: (cringing) . Thank heavens. What about Cher or Hillary or, hey, what about Sarah Palin? I could slip her a little tongue after one of her soccer Mom speeches. The Red States would secede!

PR: All good ideas, Madam Speaker. But our polling is clear. You have to girl kiss the First Lady to improve your popularity, and way before the mid-term elections.

Pelosi: She and the President are OK with this?

PR: They are Democrats. They'll do whatever helps the party. And keeps Hillary on a leash.

Pelosi: Of course. So, where do we kiss?

PR: On the lips. This is for prime time news.

Pelosi: No, what's the VENUE?

PR: Oprah.

Pelosi: I've read Kitty Kelley's book. What if Oprah gets all excited?

PR: No, that would be too much ... even for the Blue States.

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3 comments:

Marla said...

Ok Mr. Bill....it may be time for us to do an Oprah intervention on you. She seems to be driving you batty. LOL

NZMoores said...

Sadly, I was batty way before Oprah. Probably had something to do with playing 4-A football with no helmet. Or just growing up in Normal OK... Anywho, I am big on interventions. If Oprah can calm down after Fergie and the Speaker, and Kitty, and the volcano, she's welcome. Just need to know if she will require one or two seats. And Marla, I assume you never sleep if you follow ALL those blogs!

anastacia said...
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