Harry 'Scoops' Hoops with Prez

This is courage. This is leadership. This is ballsy.

President Obama is going to hoop it up with all-time NBA great and crack ambush journalist, CBS's Harry Smith.

Obama (6-1) drives, pulls up, fires a jump shot from 22 feet. Smith (6-2), takes the initial head fake, and crashes face-first into the boards. Swish.

No free market make-it-take-it here, so Harry gets the ball out. He fakes right trips over his endoscope, which was left hanging after his recent live procedure. Obama makes the steal and dunks.

"Great pick Mr President. Great anticipation is the mark of a great presidency, isn't it," he says, reeling up his hose and moving to the free throw line.

"And great teamwork," the President says, dribbling left as wife Michelle quickly moves from under the basket and gives Harry a forearm to the spine.

"Ooooomph. I thought this was one-on-one?" wheezes Harry, crumpled on the court.

"I am the One," says the President. "And so is Michelle."

Obama pumps in 20 unanswered points, showcasing his soft touch, his fluidity, his game plan, his ability to go to either side, left or left.

"I give, I give Mr President," says a panting, exhausted Smith. "Thank you for your leadership and for giving us this in-depth interview. America is more informed because of it. Would you mind untangling the endoscope from my socks."

The President moves purposefully off the court. But first, he stands tall, proud, and smiles. He gazes into the distance, showing his magnificent profile to the adoring crowd. He is joined by Michelle, who has already changed into a sleeveless evening gown.

Later, as a spent Harry Smith sits on the locker room's wet wooden bench, he bends down to remove his socks, and out of the corner of his eye sees White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel rapidly approaching him, nude.

"Don't think we didn't notice you trying to trip up the President with that loaded question about socks, you freekin' muckraking *$*^%$%#!*!!," screams Rahm, menacing Smith with his Blackberry as he moves toward the showers.

Harry turns to his camera crew for his epic sign off.

"No one said journalism was easy. Or being a great, perhaps THE Greatest American President. Take it from me, Harry Hoops Smith."

And in his earpiece, he hears Katie Couric. "Harry, let's keep that footage of Rahm on file, the frontal bits, you know, for history's sake. And isn't it time you got rid of that endoscope?"

Top Secret visit by Obama

President Obama made a top secret visit to hostile territory at the weekend, speaking with soldiers and government leaders, who were asked to pass through metal detectors before the meetings.

President Obama's visit to heavily armed Dallas, a hub of Red State anti-government activity, was meant to counter criticism that he was "holed up" in Washington and that his strategy of appeasement with Texas had failed.

"I want to send a strong message that the partnership between the United States and Texas is going to continue. We have already seen progress with respect to security around the airport. There was only limited gunfire when we landed; most from hostiles and only an insignificant amount from within Air Force One," the President said during his "on the ground update".

Texas Gov Rick Perry, sneaking away from Tea Party events in 17 Texas cities, met briefly with President Obama at the heavily fortified Cowboys Stadium. White House officials described the meeting as "productive and mainly positive" with "go-forward nuances" balanced with "the realities of needing medical attention".

Word leaked out that at least one cowboy boot was hurled at the President's head, shattering a teleprompter. This could not be confirmed, but it was noted that Gov Perry was seen leaving the meeting "with one side taller than the other and a big smile on his face."

After numerous holes in Air Force One were repaired, and a sticker saying "Secede One" was removed from the cockpit window, President Obama flew to the relative safety of Afghanistan.