Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Harry 'Scoops' Hoops with Prez

This is courage. This is leadership. This is ballsy.

President Obama is going to hoop it up with all-time NBA great and crack ambush journalist, CBS's Harry Smith.

Obama (6-1) drives, pulls up, fires a jump shot from 22 feet. Smith (6-2), takes the initial head fake, and crashes face-first into the boards. Swish.

No free market make-it-take-it here, so Harry gets the ball out. He fakes right trips over his endoscope, which was left hanging after his recent live procedure. Obama makes the steal and dunks.

"Great pick Mr President. Great anticipation is the mark of a great presidency, isn't it," he says, reeling up his hose and moving to the free throw line.

"And great teamwork," the President says, dribbling left as wife Michelle quickly moves from under the basket and gives Harry a forearm to the spine.

"Ooooomph. I thought this was one-on-one?" wheezes Harry, crumpled on the court.

"I am the One," says the President. "And so is Michelle."

Obama pumps in 20 unanswered points, showcasing his soft touch, his fluidity, his game plan, his ability to go to either side, left or left.

"I give, I give Mr President," says a panting, exhausted Smith. "Thank you for your leadership and for giving us this in-depth interview. America is more informed because of it. Would you mind untangling the endoscope from my socks."

The President moves purposefully off the court. But first, he stands tall, proud, and smiles. He gazes into the distance, showing his magnificent profile to the adoring crowd. He is joined by Michelle, who has already changed into a sleeveless evening gown.

Later, as a spent Harry Smith sits on the locker room's wet wooden bench, he bends down to remove his socks, and out of the corner of his eye sees White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel rapidly approaching him, nude.

"Don't think we didn't notice you trying to trip up the President with that loaded question about socks, you freekin' muckraking *$*^%$%#!*!!," screams Rahm, menacing Smith with his Blackberry as he moves toward the showers.

Harry turns to his camera crew for his epic sign off.

"No one said journalism was easy. Or being a great, perhaps THE Greatest American President. Take it from me, Harry Hoops Smith."

And in his earpiece, he hears Katie Couric. "Harry, let's keep that footage of Rahm on file, the frontal bits, you know, for history's sake. And isn't it time you got rid of that endoscope?"


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