"I so wanted to sunbathe with Michelle Obama in Spain and expose my vagina on WikiLeaks, but I just couldn't tear myself away from the baby owls. I was in an egg myself once, and I still love to cover my Lady Bits with feathers."
Gaga's 7-day media forecast includes:
- birthing Motorola's new Droid 2 cellphone live on CNN and GagaNet (Parental discretion advised).
- leading a "save the penguins" global enviro-event live on the massive ice chunk that has broken away from Greenland, at Gaga's request.
- headlining the live re-enactment of Chelsea and Marc Clinton's wedding.
- visiting Hannah Montana tryouts in 50 states to coach 5- to 7-year old girls on make-up, underwear and being true to their own tri-sexuality.
- being appointed the new CEO of HP, and immediately announcing a new corporate policy on silicone top-ups and sexual harassment of men, women and owls.
- shockingly quitting HP to accept the role as White House Chief Adviser on Economics ("I believe that being true to yourself will turn our nation's economy around - that and miles of latex and my uber virginity").
- chairing the Iranian Revolutionary Council and launching her new line of see-through nuclear gaga-burqas.
- saving thousands of fans trapped by floods in Pakistan, and releasing her new "Pash me in Paki" CD.
- hosting the Academy Awards, Emmies, Razzies, Lezzies, Super Bowl, World Series and Nobel Peace Prize events.
- single handedly preventing the Earth from falling off its axis and ending life as we know it.
- bringing Michael Jackson back from the dead.
"I hope my fans can forgive me for taking it easy this week. Birthing the owls was so emotional that I need to recharge, which is why the sun is having another solar tsu-gaga-nami in my vagina."
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3 comments:
This is too funny. I do not GET Gaga, but she must be doing something right, judging by her media coverge. I am gaga'ed out, though, worse that Miley and Paris combined...
Leave Gaga alone! She is the most awesome talent in the world, you idiot!
I am thinking that you have been Gaga scarred in some way to harbor this much anger and resentment against such an ugly-beautiful freakish musical genius.
Perhaps she is too much man for you?
Hmmmm?
As I mentioned elsewhere?
You know you have missed me.
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