Thursday, May 6, 2010

BP: Oil spill under control... glug glug glug

BP says it will soon control the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

"We are absolutely confident that the oil leak will be plugged and the slick contained. It may reach Dallas, but we are certain to stop it before it hits Oklahoma City. Or was that Kansas City? One of those cities in the middle," says BP's CEO.

Meanwhile, it has been revealed that BP's well at Deepwater Horizon was given a "categorical exclusion" from the National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA), thus BP didn't have to conduct a detailed environmental impact analysis.

This was because the Federal Government (motto: out to lunch, leave contributions in paper bags) and BP (motto: absolutely worthy of your trust (where do we put your paper bag?) did not anticipate such a huge accident in the Gulf.

"Who knew?" said NEPA Head D. W. Feebledieder.

"Yeah," adds BP's CEO. "What are the odds of an oil well leaking a lot of oil into the Gulf?"

This is the latest catastrophe to occur when oil rigs or tankers fell into trouble. Each time, guarantees were given that safeguards would prevent future disasters.

Many politicians, including Australian Minister for Shipping Bob Collins, have rushed to the oil industry's aid, stressing that accidents are rare. The incident off the coast of Victoria, in which the front of the ship fell off, was "not very typical" and happened because "a wave hit it... at sea... chance in a
million", said the Minister in this clip.

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1 comment:

NZMoores said...

John Clarke is the funniest human on the planet. He should be the entire congress and executive branch.