1) Watch "how to be a blog millionaire" videos on the internet until you want to nuke all internet Wunderkinds.
2) Use your Swiss Army knife to try and scrape off that bump rash thing behind your knee that will NOT go away, despite visits to the skin doctor and buckets of high-cost creams.
3) Go to Facebook. Keep clicking on friends' friends' until you find someone who is a friend of Brett Favre. If you do it in less than 20 clicks, you are a sick person.
4) Listen to the Dean the Stream radio interview and learn everything you ever wanted to know about the mentality of TV sportscasters. (Really, listen to it all.)
5) Google 'Larry King ex-wives', ponder why blondes are dumb as rope, and then understand all by reading this.
6) Entertain yourself by putting the names of former girlfriends into an internet anagram website until it kicks out 'slut' or another dirty word.
7) Brainstorm painful things to do to BP execs, starting with 'A' (annihilate arseholes) - bonus points for two words with the same letter -- and ending with 'Z' (Zip them up in large oil spill bags and drop them into the ocean, still dressed in their $2,000 suits).
8) Google 'Will Rogers Quotes' and try to hold your breath until one of them makes you smile. Then wonder how come you don't know more about him, and how on earth he could be from Oklahoma.
9) Spend 5 minutes trying to think of ANY WAY POSSIBLE to make the American Idol final WORSE than it was this year. This is, of course, impossible, but a way to stimulate your brain that's as effective as playing with a Rubik's Cube or scraping your bump rash thing with a Swiss Army knife.
10) Start the clock. See how long you can go without touching your computer, cellphone/Blackberry, TV, IPod, stereo, or scratching your privates. If you can't last 5 minutes acknowledge that your life REALLY NEEDS WORK.
Click on 'comments' below and add your two cents!
8 comments:
Are you familiar with Edward Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies? It's a abcedarian book in which each letter of the alphabet is illustrated by a child meeting his or her alphabetical doom.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh...
Sigh. So lovely.
And the illustrations? Are to die for. Hee hee!
Useful in the BP situation, I would think.
kris@prettyalltrue.com
Annuder book added to THE LIST. But I just searched New Zealand libraries, and we ain't got some. Must be published in the colonies, tut tut. Bugger... I did want to see if Basil looked anything like John Cleese, at least before he was assaulted by the bears. Har, I originally typed 'assaulted by the beers.' Suffered from that assault mahownself a time or two hundred.
I like the anagram site. I dated someone who turned out to be an uber-jerk. His last name was "Gross", so an anagram for him would be redundant.
What if we combine #1 & #6 and become millionaires Googling ex-girlfriends?
Marissa, you are sooo luck or wise to have dodged that matrimonial bullet. A life of being Mrs Gross. Boggles the mind, eh?
TT,
If you Google exes, you better also throw No. 2 into the mix. You will need the Swiss Army knife. The exes may be armed with stilletos.
Bill
How could Will Rogers be from Oklahoma?? How could he not??
Hi Marla,
Yeah, true enough. His humor and wisdom were definitely from the soil. Wish he'd still been around when I was growing up in Norman. Cheers.
Bill
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